


Gym Rats

by Frostberry



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-05-03 23:20:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14579838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frostberry/pseuds/Frostberry
Summary: Not too impressed his doctor is telling him to go back to the gym after a year’s bed rest it’s time for Kakuzu to have a personal trainer; the cheapest he can find is also the worst. Kakuzu x Hidan





	1. The Senjuu Clinic

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shipcat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipcat/gifts).



> This fic is dedicated to all those who are uninspired to go to the gym but have a gym membership but don't seem to use it.

Kakuzu didn’t like his doctor very much. Sakura was young, inexperienced, smart  _ but  _ it wasn’t that Kakuzu trusted women, it was just… weird getting told advice from someone in their twenties. 

The little girl with black hair played with toys in the waiting room of The Senjuu Clinic, and a blond boy ran around with an airplane making  _ zoom zoom  _ noises. The woman with the white eyes smiled kindly at Kakuzu when he walked in and suggested he take a seat, pretending not to hear when Kakuzu requested again that he wanted Tsunade as his doctor, and not Sakura. 

“I want Tsunade as my doctor,” Kakuzu repeated for at least the fifth time when Sakura called him out to direct him into her office. 

“She’s busy.” The secretary said, sighing from behind her computer. Kakuzu saw Sakura smirk slightly before looking back at Kakuzu. 

“Hungover.” said Kakuzu. 

“...You could say that.” said Sakura, patting the hair of the black haired girl as she walked past. “Come on.” 

A year ago, Kakuzu had four masks as tattoos put onto his back - from a cheap tattooist - the ink infected his body with sepsis. He refused to give up work until he fainted in front of clients and was rushed to hospital and almost died several times. Currently, he was in the process of being assessed to return to work full time. It was going well until he failed the strength and grip test Tsunade had ordered him. 

“A personal trainer will help you get your health back up,” said Sakura, typing on the computer, turning towards Kakuzu with a smile. She eyed the clock, and started to talk faster. 

“I know you don’t want a personal trainer, but I have found that many patients do somehow struggle to get back on their feet after bed rest.” 

Kakuzu hadn’t been exactly on bed rest for the year. Too busy making money online and drinking too many cups of tea.Too many cups of tea meant he had to piss more, which means he had to get up to the toilet, which meant his back hurt more. 

Kakuzu had never stepped foot in a gym in his life. He used to play tennis, badminton and squash competitively with work colleagues, until he had to stop working. 

Now, he was able to walk briskly around, Sakura printed off a list of PTs in the area for him from a google search. “I’ve ordered it from cheapest to most expensive. Some PTs can charge over $100 per hour, but the most inexperienced ones start out cheaper - I know you would have preferred that, Kakuzu.” 

Kakuzu took the pages and flicked through them. They were all  _ expensive.  _ He pointed at the top of the cheapest list. “This one, then.” 

“Hidan… This guy is $25.00 an hour,” said Sakura. “At Red Cloud Gym. That’s not too far from here. It says he has a certificate in Personal Training, and is a Lance Corporal from the army. He’s pretty good looking, actually.” Sakura’s cheeks went a little red at that, but distracted herself quickly. “I’m going to call him up now for you.” 

Kakuzu tried to intervene, saying it was simply not necessary, but her fast fingers typed across the phone pad and she held it to her ear, the cord curling under her fingers. “Yes, hi? Hidan, right? This is Haruno Sakura from Senjuu Clinic, I’m here asking if you are available to take on a client recovering from a long term illness.” 

Sakura was silent for a few seconds, agreeing with the loud man on the receiving end of the phone. “Kakuzu, what time do you want your first training session?” 

Kakuzu grunted. “Early.” 

“Early,” Sakura repeated to the man on the other line. She paused, nodding, and said back to Kakuzu, “Er, he doesn’t do morning appointments. Afternoon and evening only.” 

_ How do people live like this _ ? “Fine, afternoon.” 

“Tomorrow? 4pm?” 

“That’s late afternoon,” said Kakuzu, wishing the phone connected to Sakura’s computer actually had a speakerphone instead of relying on her to talk to the man who would be his new PT that he didn’t actually want. 

“He can’t do any earlier,” said Sakura. 

_ Oh for god’s sake _ . Kakuzu swore slightly under his breath. These millennials - if Hidan was one - really got on his nerves. “Fine.” 

Sakura wrote down the times and the address of the gym, and hung up. “Go up to Hinata to see if your insurance may cover a percentage of the PT cost. It may only be a few dollars, but every cent counts. Go and buy some fitness clothing tonight and I hope you will have at least three training sessions by next week when I see you then.” 

With that, Kakuzu left the office, wondering what the hell he just got himself into. 


	2. 84 Complaints to the council

Kakuzu didn’t get much sleep that night, as one of his neighbours put on choir music full blast. He sent several enquiries to the council, which he usually did at night about the music. According to Kakuzu’s logbook, it was the 84th complaint he had sent the council about it in the last few months. 

The next morning, he went to the shop to buy workout gear, then brought food for the new diet Sakura ordered him to go on (and ignore at any opportunity). Red Cloud Gym was only down the road so he walked there instead of taking his car. 

Kakuzu felt very, very stupid turning up in brand new fitness clothes (tag still on, hidden under his shirt) at Red Cloud Gym. The interior was themed black, white and red clouds, and the gym was divided into two sections: a large front desk with ‘gymspiration’ posters behind it and glass doors opening up in a large gym with workout machines. A blonde man with ridiculous tattoos on his cheeks greeted him at the front desk. “Wassup?” 

“I’m here for a PT session with Hidan.” 

The blond man smiled a little, and handed over several sheets of paper and a red clipboard. “Before your session, you must fill these out. Each form, you know.” 

Kakuzu looked at the four forms given to him on a clipboard. “Do I really have to say who I am four times?” 

“Yes. I’ll also need your ID, emergency information and medical details.” 

Above the loud dubstep noise coming from the gym, another sound was appearing from behind. Choir music.

It was faintly familiar, and the automatic doors, opened and in came a young man wearing military gear and holding his phone up to his face, picking at his teeth. His premature-gray hair was long enough to sweep behind his ears. He went through the little gate by the front desk by nudging his hip and planted himself in front of the computer. 

“Hidan, hey,” said the other PT, turning his computer chair towards the man. “Your 4pm is here. You're late, you know.” 

“Whatever, Uzumaki,” said Hidan, “I was praying.” Pink eyes looked up at Kakuzu up and down. “He’s gotta be the most oldest man at this gym.” 

Uzumaki did a sort of ‘heh heh’ awkwardly, and gave the clipboard with Kakuzu’s information on it to Hidan. Kakuzu gave him the most loathing look imaginable, which was hard because he generally looked like that on a daily basis. Hidan flipped through the clipboard, eyes drinking in Kakuzu’s personal information. 

“You live at 54 Ame Avenue?” Hidan started laughing. “I live on Iwa Lane, behind there.” 

Now Kakuzu knew who Hidan was. The man with the strange choir music he had complained about many, many times to the council. “I have to fill this shit in, hang on,” said Hidan, not paying much attention to any of the other paperwork and typing out the information that Kakuzu had supplied. He then dropped the papers in front of Uzumaki, which scattered on the keyboard and carpet. “You can fill out the rest.” He got up and made his way out to the front. “Right. I better get changed. But before that…”

Hidan stepped forward and clutched Kakuzu’s face. “This is how I greet people.” He then licked Kakuzu’s face, stopping slightly at the lips.

Kakuzu didn’t quite understand what just happened, especially because nobody in general actually went near him. He cringed a little and looked over at Uzumaki, who was completely absorbed in correctly filling out Hidan’s paperwork.

“People don’t do that.” said Kakuzu. “Why did you lick my face?” 

“Greetings from a follower of Jashin to you,” said Hidan. “By the way, Kakuzu,” he paused. “You still have the tags of your brand new fitness gear on.” 


	3. A Furry in a Fox Costume

“GOD ISN’T GOING TO SAVE YOU NOW!” Hidan shrieked when Kakuzu hit twenty five minutes non-stop on the rowing machine. Kakuzu sourly watched as the water in the wheel turned and bubbled. “YOU SPENT TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS TO HAVE AN HOUR WITH ME.”   
“There’s no such thing as God. And I used to be stronger than you,” Kakuzu pointed out, almost wheezing as he did another row. Sweat dripped down his legs and back.   
“Yeah well, I can lift a bear.” Hidan leered at him, showing several cracked teeth, his large pendant swinging away like a pendulum. “You know why I’m in the army, right? Besides the Land of Rivers thinking they’d take over Fire Country? You know it’s totally legal to sacrifice people from the Land of Rivers for religious purposes? I'm evil as fuck apparently."   
“...Right.”   
“Don’t fucking talk while you’re rowing!”   
Hidan was officially the worst person Kakuzu had ever met. He pulled the handlebar, and stopped the rowing machine by letting go and it whacked the blue wheel hard. Kakuzu went to get up, but Hidan clamped a dry hand on a sweaty shoulder.   
“You ain’t fucking finished. What the fuck is wrong with you?”   
“I have been not able to do anything for an entire year, this will literally kill me.”  
“But that doesn’t matter,” Hidan pointed out. “You’re old.”   
“Get off me.” Hidan let go, and Kakuzu got up. It took him a few seconds, as it felt like his heart was out of control. “I want my money back.”   
“I’m non-refundable.” Hidan smirked, large biceps showing off his tattoos proudly. Kakuzu felt a pang of jealousy, having been struck down with sepsis for so long because of a mistake he made. Meanwhile, there was a roar of laughter coming from nearby, and Kakuzu looked over at the other PT who was socialising with his client. “Naruto spends eighty percent of his time talking to however he’s training instead of actually training them. He’s sixty dollars an hour. You’ve just spent a year on bedrest. Don’t think you can afford a dumb blond who is a furry in a fox costume outside of work.” Hidan’s face went right up to Kakuzu’s sweaty one. “Who is better?”   
Kakuzu grunted. “You are.”   
Hidan clapped his hands. “Fucking excellent. You’ve only been here for twenty seven minutes. Ten second break. Then weights. We’re gonna make you a fucking body builder.”


End file.
